Thursday, June 4, 2015

Life After QAF: A Survivor's Guide



If you haven't finished watching QAF, don't read this post. 
If you haven't started watching QAF, go do so immediately. You'll thank me. Maybe.
If you are a fellow QAF addict in agony, please continue.


So, here's how this goes. A couple of weeks ago, I finished watching Queer as Folk, for the first time, after bingewatching 5 seasons in about 6 weeks. I know, I know, that's pretty weak bingewatching for some of you, but for me, it's pretty intense. You have to consider that this time includes me buying the dvds on ebay and waiting for them to ship. I won't even mention the brutal experience when I was desperately waiting for Season Three, and someone shipped me Season Two in a Season Four case! I mean, WTF!

But back on track here. I know I'm woefully behind the times with the whole QAF obsession, (although really, is that fair? I just met a twelve year old girl who is freaking out and drooling over Nirvana, just as much as anyone I went to Jr High with, and it's hardly her fault she was introduced to it way late. But whatever.) but back at the beginning of the year, someone posted this gif on tumblr:




To which I responded something like, What the motherfucking Unf? What is this and why is it not in my brain? And naturally, I got the whole Whaaaaat? Have you never watched Queer as Folk? Drop everything in your life and go watch every episode right now! Except the last one. (See, I was warned early.)

I'll be honest, I don't take tv or movie recs very well. Usually everything other people loooove, I hate, and then I have to pretend I like it, or pretend I never saw it so I don't offend anyone who loooooves it. But, I figured what the hell, I'd check it out. At the very least, I could watch the adorable boy with the blatant boner get his ass smacked whenever I wanted.

Since it doesn't seem to stream anywherecurrently, and I gave up cable long ago, I searched it out on Ebay. I figured I could watch them and then just relist them. Hahahahahahaha. I was so naive. Massive shout out here to whoever was selling Seasons 1 & 2 together for the stunningly low price of 12 bucks shipped. I jumped.

Sounds lame, I know, but I was pretty much on board before I even slipped the first disc in, because the box sets (for the first few seasons) are really, really nice. They're like gifts to yourself, and who doesn't love that? The first episode itself was a little touch and go for me. I wasn't expecting the narration, and the acting seemed kind of strange, and I could hardly imagine watching a show where two of the main characters weren't even hot. (Yes, I'm that shallow, and I'm sorry, Ted & Emmett, I was so, so wrong.)

But seriously, I was sold as soon as the Brian Justin chemistry kicked in, because ohmygodsofuckinghotmorepleasewaitwhatrimmingohmygod.

Didn't hurt that they stuck this in episode one, just for me:



So, I watched them all. Sometimes two at a time, sometimes six at a time, like a proper junkie. Never (okay, hardly ever) until I was done writing for the day though, so the only thing I really missed out on was sleep. And who needs sleep? Not us junkies.

Now, I'd been warned to skip the last episode. Or the last few. But you know I didn't. I mean, how can you? You've invested so much damn time and emotion! I couldn't jump out. Even though it pretty much went:

Season One: Pretty Much Perfection.
Season Two: Pretty Damn Close to Perfection.
Season Three: Not Perfection, But Still Really Fucking Good.
Season Four: Who the Fuck is Messing With my Show?
Season Five: Uhhhh...

Fortunately, I'm excellent at blocking out the painful parts of life, so, there's that. But, here's the big thing, okay? Not only was the last episode weak as fuck, do you know what happened after I watched all the episodes?  

The fucking show ended! WTF! How dare it! Did it not know it was my lifeblood? Oh my god! How can I survive this? I'm practically comatose. Oh my god, comas! *weep-weep-weep*

So, if you're wandering around in shock, wondering what to do with your life now that you've crushed through all five seasons of QAF, know that you are not alone.

 
As someone who's been through it, who understands how much it hurts right now, allow me to help you out with this step by step guide to healing.

1. Cry because it's over and the ending sucked.
 
2. Scream because it's over and the ending sucked.
 
3. Whine because it's over and the ending sucked.
 
4. Tell everyone you know that's it's over and the ending sucked.
 
5. DO NOT google things like What is the QAF cast doing now and did they also think the ending sucked? This will just reinforce the fact that they are actors and this was a tv show, and you don't need that kind of reality based shit right now.
 
6. Listen to this song on repeat, and cry some more:
If anyone tells you to get over it, tell them to shut the fuck up and mind their own business. They don't understand you. You must have time to mourn.

7. See if fan fiction writers have gone to work fixing the ending. Of course they have! Fan fiction writers can fix anything! Okay, this is looking up.
 
8. See if fan fiction writers have written Brian/Justin spanking fiction, because you can't be the only one who knows how completely perfect their dynamic is for a hell of a lot more kink than they showed on the screen.
EXHIBIT A
EXHIBIT B




Fortunately, the gods and goddesses known as fanfic writers are also aware of this. (Here is an excellent place to start.)
 
9. Buy a Brian Kinney bracelet. Go ahead. You need it. You deserve it. I bought this one on ebay. It's awesome, and it comforts me.
 
10. Go back to Season One, Disc One, Episode One, and recapture the magic from the beginning. It's really the only way.


Hang in there,
Misha


(QAF BOY BUTT)
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